Dehydrated...

Last night we were supposed to play pool at Dave&Buster's again but thanks to a private event which took up most of the pool tables, we decided we waited too long and left for Yard House instead.

We had a new colleague who joined us last week, she's half chinese with a Shanghainese mom. Was quite surprised she came and join us for our little outing. Her boyfriend is those type who can smile and u can never see his eyes. I was so outta line (also cos I drank a little too much) after I took pictures of them, I started laughing at him asking why cannot see his eyes wan...then I kept taking pictures of them saying that I wanna see those eyes. I told him to close his eyes really tight then at my count of 3 to open them really wide...but alas...what Nature has decided, men cannot change...


*trying....


*try harder...


*cannot make it....

I laugh at people, ownself also laugh until cannot see my eyes liao..



Actually I was quite amazed at my liquor tolerance, when they asked me what I wanted to drink, I replied Long Island Tea then they were like woah...strong stuff...

It was stronger than Singapore but okay lor, I was still going strong...then they told me to order another drink and I was quite bored cos the drinks aint strong so they were trying to get me something really strong. So Jason ordered a Jager Bomb for me which came with redbull and a shot glass. To drink it, u submerge the shot glass of donno what cough medicine into the redbull then down it..




oh ya, I told them about our Singapore's infamous flaming lambourgini donno how to spell, then Jason was very interested in the drink cos they've not heard of it. He went to ask the bar-tender at D&B's and surprisingly he sorta knew what's in the drink. He say donno what one fifty one...anyways when we adjourned to Yard House we really wanted a flaming Lam cos I was quite bored with their drinks. But the people at Yard House never heard of it b4 then I was like nvm just give me any drink that flames! Then they all laugh and wonder why I have such interest to flame my drinks. Sadly the waitress told me they've not allowed to set anything on fire...sibeh sian...

Angmohs are boring...

So Jason suggested Three Wise Men...then everybody was like wooahhhh....so I think it must be very strong...it consists of 3 different types of alcohol. Well, I drink liao and dont feel any wiser....tipsy definitely and talking alot more...I guess in a way its good bah, everybody felt more relaxed cos we're afterall colleagues and Crystal was so new to us and we just met her boyfriend that night! And oh plus this friend of Jason's drove from LA to meet up with him and us (apparently she likes him hehe) and to me she reminds me of Tyra Banks! Can u imagine we're of the same age?? Dont look like it hor? Anyways she says she likes me wor, maybe cos of my crankiness, I tell u woman, once I sober up , u wont feel the same towards me liao. Im very quiet....quiet....so quiet ur better off talking to urself. She told Jason he must bring me to her should we visit LA one day, she'll bring me go shopping! whee!!

Photos

i uploaded more photos

http://www.flickr.com/photos/98864278@N00/?saved=1

sian ley, just cos this is a free account after a certain limit they will only display the most recent photos...my photos from NZD and office no longer there....

Singapore - A Peesai

Few weeks back me & a friend chatted with some locals at the Orange County Fair. When we told them we from Singapore, they asked "Is that part of China?"

And then last week while hanging out with Ashley, she said her friends asked where the hell is that when she told them where I was from.

Everybody knows United States but that doesnt mean they need to know about you. A co-worker told me she has never flown out of States, just inter-states & furthurst she went is Hawaii but that too is part of America.

The country's so big & they've got everything. She doesnt feel the need to get out of the country. These people are in California, quite a city & they may not know or heard of Singapore, the natural phenomenal Auroras, catfish having barbs or strings..

Sometimes I get the feeling they're really closed-up. I guess in Singapore there are people like that too but maybe what really bothers me is they dont really care and they think they're always right..

I know my ABCs...Armani, Bebe, Coach

This weekend was quite well spent

First Thuy took me out to the Peninsula at this surfer's joint called "Mutt's Lynch" for a real hearty breakfast. They serve good breakfast 7 days a week from 7am - 11am



Since this place serves alcohol, that blok above seats himself at the entrance & checks your ID to ensure your of age before letting you in. You cant see it but as I was standing there next to him, he was spewing Japanese at me..."konichiwa...arigato.."

You know Japanese?? my eyes widened...we had this little exchange all while smiling at the camera.



We were seated right at the window & that's the Pacific Ocean stretched out behind those cars. People walking past smile in occasionally as we tucked into our breakfast: Corned Beef Hash with sunny side eggs for me and her "Twosome breakfast: French toast, bacon strip, sausage & scrambled eggs. All these washed down with refillable hot coffee.


Talking about breakfast, I ordered these in my hotel room Sunday morning. Smoke salmon benedict. Gosh these pics make me hungry...

Anyways Thuy dropped me off after breakfast & I waited for Carlton and his wife to pick me up for Singaporean's all time favourite: Shopping!!

Carlsbad is not your typical shopping area. It's littered with factory outlets from Designer's Brands. Make no mistake, I'm no slave to branded labels but some of these stuff are heavily discounted going at ridiculous prices. I would slap myself if I dont get them!



That Polo Ralph's 350 threadcount bedsheets were only 10bucks! Converted to Sing, it's like $15??

For a man, Carlton's quite a shopper. Even after Denise and I kinda zoned out he was still going strong, zipping from store to store. We spent like 5hours at this place. Were supposed to pop over San Diego since this location was really close but decided to do it on another trip instead.

Next day Ashley picked me up & we headed to this shopping mall called "Spectrum". Our agenda was to play pool & beat the crap outta each other. Dave & Buster's is damn atas. Frankly I donno what to make of it, there's restaurant, pool area, an arcade and some theatre/party rooms. Huge place and the pool area was really posh. You register at front desk then a guy walks you to your table carrying your balls for you. He proceeds to brush down the table before racking the balls. Naturally you pay the price as well. US 12 bucks per hour...



My mom taught me not to brag, so I'll leave it to you to guess the winner..heheh..



Iphones are huge here ever since they were launched. We cant use it in Sing cos it's not supported in Asia yet. But heard got alot software glitch and security issues.

Last stop was dinner at Johnny Rockets. Burgers, fries & milkshake. This is just like Billy Bombers back home complete with the mini slot Jukebox at booths. Ash didnt know Billy Bombers but for her age (22) she sure knows her oldies.



The drive home was memorable, the sun was setting in its glamourous display of pink and she tuned in to the oldies station. We squeezed in A-go-go dance moves at every stop lights we meet & this indeed feels like the America I watch on TV.

Yesterday my manager had a talk with me and he says there are plans for me to extend my stay here. He wants me to attend this training by the Learning & Department. I hear already I quite sian.

I left my life behind in Singapore. While its quite an experience here, I simply do not wish to be away from home anymore. 3 years in Perth and now this. Each time I go away, I lose something dear in my life. One season it was my hamster, another season it was my por por. When I was back during the holiday before her passing, she was already quite ill. I was scheduled to fly off a day after, I knew then it was the last time I would see her. She hardly had strength to keep her head up. She was dying.....so it wasnt a surprise when I receive an email or a phonecall...I cant remember, of her passing.

My brother emailed me when my hamster died, again some form of electronic route was used to inform me of por por. All these happened and Im just not there.

How 'out-going' can one be? When you travel the world for your career, meeting new people, new cultures, you gain fresh insights, you feel humbled and you gain perspective and than...when is it time to go home?

I've known friends who has travelled half-way round the world and sometimes I marvel at their courage, their independence, their energy..and than I dream about por por one night and in that dream, I was trying to save her. I donno how but there was such urgency in that dream and I felt helpless, I knew I was going to lose her but I didnt know it was a dream and so I was really scared.

There was once, I recall to my aunt and mom about me dreaming of porpor and my aunt also said she dreamt of her too and my mom said 'strange how come she doesnt or cant dream of her' it's like she wished she could too , but she couldnt.

I donno why a post about my extension turned into my grandma, maybe I miss my family alot and I just hope they would wait for me to get home before they're allowed to age any further.

Say What Again?

Angmohs really talk funny. In Perth, they come up to you and ask "Hi, how's it going?".

Here in States, they come up to you and "Hi Cherandy, what's going on?"

.................................

And I really dont know how to answer them each time.

Hi, how's it going?? Who, What is going to Where?? And if you dont know, like I would know??

Hi, Cherandy what's going on?? This one is classic. Im buried deep in work, some clown snoop up to you and ask what's going on..... i painted fresh coat of paint on my toe-nails last night...my hamster had a baby?

I mean, all these are only greetings I know but...How's it going? What's going on? Cant a greeting pack more relevance to the nature of it?


Why cant it just be "Hi Cherandy, how are you?" Guess what, being a Singaporean trained to bones on answering every questions fired my way...I engaged that "Hi, What's going on" bit giving a brief run-through on the dull flicker on my screen. To my sheer annoyance, I turned round mid way talking to their departing figure! Dont wan listen , ask for what?

It's not a question you just have to answer! And then today, I wisen up and play it all cool & chic by muttering a slurred "oh am doing well..zzzzz" and was taken aback when my greeter was looking intently back at me wondering just what's going on in my hotel-stranded life.

I've got nothing for you dude.

Lunch came & Jason announced he was going to Chik-Fil-a & my eyes lit up. That eating place where they said there's grilled chicken! Images of Kenny Roger's rotisserie grilled chicken filled my mind. I volunteered to go with him, checking with him again if there's indeed grilled chicken.

When I got there, it's damn grilled chicken pattie kiap in burger bun lor. Dont even have skin or bones...

Well, it redeemed itself by being a really yummy burger. I just wish when they affirmed me it was grilled chicken, they put in the word 'burger'.

You see me being so excited over whether its grilled or not, yu should know I'm on the wrong track right? We're gonna eat burgers like hell I'm really concerned how you cook the stupid pattie? Whether grilled or fried or broiled?? sianz...

You AM Me PM

My last update was in March and so many things transpired from than to now.

I had a change in my career and my new company flew me off to their Headquarters in California for training.

As I'm typing this, I'm 15hours behind SG time in the hotel room which will be my home for 2 months. It's been 2 weeks and I'm dreaming of satay and my steam chicken drumstick rice...gosh I can feel acid in my stomach having just typed that.

Although its cool that I'm holed up in a hotel and meals are claimable up to US65 per day, fact is I'm here alone and will be for the next couple months. Not a nice feeling. Worst part is the stupid hotel charges internet like per connection rate of USD12.95 which is like twenty plus SING dollars! And its crazy that connection time is only from noon to noon. Siao man I kpkb at them saying that I'll be here for 2 whole months (so if they know whats best for them and dont want to lose their biz, they better wise up and give in to my demands!) the best they could do for me in the end is half the connection rate to USD 6.47 which is still expensive considering I need to logon everyday.

Actually I didnt really kpkb at them, with Angmohs service is totally different from what we have in SING. Over here its like they have their Egos and their righteous Esteem and each one has got their own uniqueness which they cant wait to show. In SG , u buay song only then can whip out "What kinda attitude is this? I wanna see your Manager!" Try that with Angmohs, the Manager might jolly well join forces with their own and gobble you up.

Just yesterday I called room service and requested for a kettle to boil water duh...wah lao the lady on the receiving end was like "Kettle?????? We dont have that period" Her reply was as if its that many question marks okay. Stuff like Kettle , Iron and Hair Dryer is like the basic stuff for a 5 grade Hotel No? And I really dont understand the internet connection which die die must start from noon to noon. It doesnt make sense across all levels! Would you logon being aware that it's a per connection charge and only surf just to retrieve emails for say an hour and logoff? You would naturally maximise your connection usage and surf as much as possible right? For those who's really out to max it (like me) they stay up wee hours and just surf and download as much as possible to make it worth the deal. In the end who's at the losing end? The most I sleep-in the next day but the Hotel would have to pay for the electrical bill powering my PC up whole night and there's not the only thing that gets powered when Im up. You have the lights , the radio etc so economically stupid.

For guests who dont stay long, fine, it makes sense to charge a connection rate. Long-staying guests like myself should be charged a flat fee per week ? Anytime after I'm done with surfing I can logoff and head for bed. Ya you might still get those die-hard sufers who still logon 24hrs if they're allowed. But we're talking about long staying guests who generally might be on official business and it's my guess they would rather catch up with sleep than surf into wee morning?

On a separate note it's the weekends and I would like to take the public bus out to explore around, and it turned out those bus drivers are on strike and there are no bus services at all. I remember in Perth it used to be like that too, any little thing they're not happy with. Strike. Bus drivers went on strike, Teachers in Universities went on strike. These are amazing countries. They care too much about themselves and it's their burning desire to let the world know once they're unhappy. SG you strike , you get arrested. In the 1st place I think nobody will strike with you. The most people do is pin things like ribbons on their tops to show they buay song with something.

If I have the change, maybe I can offer some blue-white-red striped Bow to these Bus Drivers and tell them "Not happy still must drive for the greater good of innocent people made handicapped by lack of public transport. Can show protest with Bow pinned to your uniform. Your heard and your pretty".

ps: Pics have been uploaded in the flickr , will update from time to time

八宝带



Everybody has a second Home. This is mine.
My mom just walked into my room and commented that my work-station is super messy.
I beg to differ. I call it Home. Cluttered it may be but its a familiar mess and Im comfortable with it.
Know what's the most important item here? That little eye-drop solution.
Without it, I cry literally and kiss my screen when it gets bad.
Actually there's another important item that's missing in the picture...




Tadah!! Axe brand medicated oil! Cures all morning sinus, and boss driven headaches~~

Lemme see, I used to have this to my collection as well...



When its heavy days, I love to stick this right up my nose. Damn ugly I know but 老娘can afford it heheh..but it can be damn disgusting cos the tap's over-flowing and the plug has a tiny hole to let the vapour out, Im not sure if some of my insides drips into that tiny hole...maybe I would know when I feel some swirling holding it >_<"



Since I'm at it, let me find a pic of my lovely Eye Mo eye-drop





Remember my Laosai boss? Refresher: Link1 Link2
When he was still around, one day he came round my table and stopped short at his track and exclaimed with bulging eyes

Cherandy!!!
You use these?? (Pointing to my beloved items)

I nodded to which he made a beeline to his cubicle, came back and with a thud placed his own collection of Nose inhalant, Eye drops and Medicated oil and they were all king sized! Anyways that's besides the point, you know what this means??
I have become a true blue obasan liao~~~~

At 11:50am today I thought my colleague was shaking my chair, I turned around ready to fire a missile but the joker was at her cubicle, next thing on my mind was someone must be thumping on the floor really hard, and I swirled round ready to launch rocket. But nobody, nothing.

Then why on earth am I feeling dizzy like the whole building was moving? Bcos the damn blardy building was really moving! It's Alive!!

Alarmed, I stood up and saw quite alot of heads peering from their partition as well. It just flashed across my mind "Prarie dogs! haha" just like Discovery Channel....the eh simi taiji??

Some clown voiced out maybe some really heavy-assed vehicle drove past and caused the tremors. Finally a mensa genius spurt it could likely be an earthquake!

Everybody was asking aloud "how? wanna get out of office or not" ask already can still stand there looking blur like its the most difficult question of their life. It was nearing lunch anway so I said 'eh lets go la, better get out of office' , then they can still stand around!! You guys waiting for the subtitles or neon flashlights issit!??!

Heck care liao, I just take my pouch and head out. My dept was on the 10th floor, on the way down it almost made all the stops and people were trying to get in. This gave a little edge on how serious it might be.

Down at the ground floor I was greeted by wave of office workers standing around aimlessly. All wear until so smart and sharp but the face damn aimless like chickens without heads lidat. Stand directly under building somemore. Then machiam like gangstars greet each other lidat, I walked into 2 ladies and we stood there exchanged gangstar lingo:

you from which building wan?

samsung

oh samsung~~

you from which building wan??

capital square

oh capital square also shake ar~~

ya

the whole siiiinnnngapore island is shaking lor

aimless people standing around everybody on the phone the Hong Hei Lians from the other building

so we went for lunch and everybody's on mobile phone: call family, bf,broker,maid etc

went back office about 1.5hrs later

around 13:50pm we were seated at our cubicle and wheee here we go again

this time it lasted longer about 8-10seconds? we looked at the window blinds and it was swaying like it was trying to be sexy and the water flask at my table was having a mini tsunami.

I felt sick and walked out. My VP popped up and announced

"I donno about you guys but I think we should evacuate again, it's your own decision"

Bumped into a colleague who was standing by the cargo lift, he heard the lift banging against the elevator shaft, bumpy ride for those in there heheh

This time we took the firemen staircase. The moment we opened the door, we heard a gang of elephants approaching. I remember hearing my colleague say "wah lai liao..." meaning those herd upstairs are making their way down

Times like these those kopitiam uncles are the happiest. Everybody come down sure patronise them mah otherwise do what. We chose table nearest the road so even if the kopitiam cave down can quickly jump out onto the road, then one joker say ya and get run over by a car, stupid comment sibeh salah but damn funny.

Some time later they said we could all head back office when all I wanted was to head back home. No joke man, this roller coaster ride is one where you cant jump off cos your whole world is the coaster. There were news that the millenia office were released to go home which Im so envious of. Another claimed OCBC didnt even allow their workers to evacuate assuring their building is safe, she told my colleague via sms amidst the shaking to remember that she likes lilies...

Where got lidat wan?? You as a manager forbid your employees to even evacuate when the building is swaying, you assure people with what?? So many lives at stake. There's always the "what if" Then you OOPS issit?

Anways early lunch, forced tea-break and a planned birthday celebration, nothing much was done on this day. If there aint casualties I dont mind disco every once in a while man.

Sadly there were casualties over in Sumatra where the quake all started:

http://feeds.bignewsnetwork.com/?sid=232234

Have a good life and times like these please make your own decision. Dont wait for stupid PA announcement or ladder drop from Heaven. That manager who assures you could be the manager that pushes you down the stairs so that he/she can rush to the ground level first. Assure my ass

That stupid Kong that upturned my life

I have a friend at work called hao peng you. Dont ask me why but somehow one day that term just stuck on for us and whenever we see each other down the corridor, we would go "yo hao peng you!"
Once I brought it up to him that it sounds like what chinese would term the spirits that comes from the nether world entered via the gates of Hell. But we just laught it off and its always hao peng you along the corridors. Im thinking those other colleagues who believes in such might actually slam the toilet doors shut whenever we shout out down the corridor. Dont have to come out of the toilet already. Hao peng you echos the walkway.
Recently hao peng you found a job elsewhere and though it was sad while nearing the day of his departure, it was good that he could move on. He cannot just move on, he must go and buy some tidbits for my team, some farewell goodies. One of those goodies killed me.
It was some snack in a tin box, it started out innocent enought. Some nibbling here and there, pretty soon I was hugging the tin box and munching outta it.
When it finished, I stared at the bottom of the empty tin and I thought I saw blooshot eyes reflected off the tin.
Days later I could think of nothing except the stupid tin box tidbit. One hot afternoon just right after my lunch, I walked past cold storage and made a beeline to the tidbits corner. Holy Jellybeans!! Beautiful tin box were staring back at me and I felt my heart leap out. I reached for it and this is where I made the greatest mistake. I reasoned and rationaled. Firstly it wasnt very cheap secondly it's a little awkward walking around CBD area with a big aluminium tin. I thought I could buy it at another shop during the weekends when I have the car. Big Big mistake.
Today me and my parents racked thru cold storage island-wide. Stupid tin was sold out?! It felt like the world was out to get me. When I wanna eat, everybody else wants a bite!
At one point, we did chance upon it but it was a small tin and at that time I wasnt convince it was really that extinct! So I moved on to another location thinking I could find the standard box. Exhausted the locations and I was getting desparate.
I called hao peng you outta exasperation scolded him first for getting me hooked onto a tin and begged him tell me where he bought it. Sheng shiong supermart!
Ang Mo Kio has 2 it seems! I asked for directions to the biggest outlet but he wasnt very sure of the exact street just the blk number.
I toured Ang Mo Kio but alas the blk evaded me. Big or small tin, I drove back to Hougang where I discovered the small tin. You'll be surprised, its sold at a Guardian Pharmacy. Well it was certainly medicine for my soul, I was in withdrawal.
As I was heading down Hougang, hao peng you called. He went to the Sheng Shiong near his house and true enough not a single tin! But en route home he actually found some damn packets (not tin form) lingering around! He bought 6 packs straight but I was too far away to return to AMK. It was very nice of him and I made him promise he cannot touch a single packet wahahhaa. All for me!
Im really happy now cos I've got a small tin at home and 6packs waiting for me. It should last me for quite awhile =)

Happy Chinese New Year 2007

This is the year of the pig and although I dont know what it means for me but its supposedly a very good year for horsies (that is me!) I just want unendless Health and Love in my family and my friends =)

So in order to get caught up in the festive mood, we made Kueh Buloh and its done the traditional way with charcoal and the 1000 year old mould which if landed on ur toes you can watch it turn green the traditional way too.

you heat up the charcoal making sure its hot enough but not too hot

pour batter into 1000 year old mould, there's charcoal at the bottom and on the lid itself machiam buried with charcoal~~

wait few mins and its baked through top and bottom

kueh buloh got fish shape somemore

In the office, it was holiday mood already. Who really wants to work?? Here's what I mean

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.

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i want a pay rise! (bang table)

unfazed?? i show u my little mouse...grrrrrr *flex flex*

Actually she's demostrating how to play 5 stones to my indian head. Not bad eh? Wear so nice to office then its.....5 stones time!!

Back From Bangkok

Touched down at Bangkok in the evening, went to the taxi queue and it was quite confusing. They have a counter setup and upon informing lady at the counter the desired destination, your assigned tickets and then what? Mix and match? Someone comes up to you with a stub to match and gestures for you to follow into their cab.

Destination: Twin Towers Hotel and Toll fares have to be paid if you choose the Highway. Cabby was driving at 120km and we're talking about Bangkok city..we were flying.

After checking in we didnt feel like hanging out, beat and hungry we settled for room service (it was cheap!) and rested for the next big day

Main highlight was shopping in MBK!! Shoes, tshirts, jeans, bags, more shoes, jacket, pants, shoes again!

It was the language of calculators. "How much??" and a calculator is shoved to your face, you take the calculator key in your magic numbers and shove it back saying "gimmie good price, cheap cheap" This gets repeated couple of times and its either deal or no deal. Sometimes you have to attempt the 'walk-away' trick that's only if you can find it in your heart to let the item go. If the wind and all planets are lined in your favour, they pull you back and let you have it. =)

We checked out Central World and Discovery Centre but these shopping malls are akin to our Takashimaya malls and not the reason why one should be in bangkok. I would recommend Tesco Lotus, it's like K-mart with loads of apparels from furniture to clothes and groceries. Needless to say more shoes were bought, no bargaining here, all marked prices but real cheap.

Who would miss out on the night markets right so it was Patpong at Silom. Stuff here aint cheap though, unless you cant find it in MBK you might wanna consider getting it here after long match of bargaining. I didnt really fancy this place, loads of angmohs and they were surrounded by people soliciting them to those sleazy pubs lined alongside the street. The laminated menu had header which read "Sex Show" and there were bikini clad dancers doing their moves on poles.

Spotted this signage which amuses me





Meals there were mostly: Phad Thai and Tom Yum Goong. Thai salads were known to be appetising but this has gotta be one of the worst dish I've ever tasted



I leave you a video clip of my trip in Bangkok, it's got audio so you might just wanna have your speakers turned on

Im going BKK!

4 days 3 nights woohoo! Last min decision, booked everything online and I'll be back on Friday

A little apprehensive though with the little unpleasant stuff that sparked off from the ASEAN cup, oh well...stay tune for updates and pics

And YES I've finally gotten a decent mobile...the long await ericsson W850 in White!

One of these days, I'll get down to blogging about my mobile stories....all ill-fated.

Will guard this baby with my life keke

oh ya my NZD pics? Consider them fully uploaded, there's more but these are the nicest ones too lazy to sort them thru again =)

Revamption

Constellations shifts, Planets align, Lighting strucks, this blog has been given a new look!
Apprehensive at first, worried some settings might go awry or pictures may get lost but fears unfounded. Some tweaking and adjusting...all looked in place.

Signed up for flicker as well, bits of my new zealand trip have been uploaded, but the rate the loading goes it would take days before all's up.

im not ready

trace's mom is gone, both jen and esther's moms have lumps in their chest..im scared..
im not ready, really not ready... my careers not ready, my life is not ready.
jen would be getting married in may, we would be her 'sisters'
last night my cousin in china sent me pictures of his newborn baby girl, she's a december baby
one by one they die, they raise children, they get married...im not ready...
my parents are getting old, i look at them i get scared. their skin is wrinkled and blemishes appears on their faces.
last night my mom came to me and had me look at her hair. she asked if the whites are obvious enough to make her dye them. i uncover the top and tuffs of white greeted me underneath

today my boss informed me of upcoming restructuring within the teams. one of us would have to go over to another team. i was indifferent, a contact position into another contract position.

im so tired...

i am depressed... =(

Mothers are the Hardest to let go

Last week was tough. The night after news of her mom, we went to the wake and for the first time in the 13years I've known her, Ive never seen her in that state. She was all skin and bones, her face had obvious wrinkles from the extreme loss of weight. I'm tearing even as I type these words. The moment I saw her, I almost cried...I hugged her and held her hands thinking this is my friend and I barely recognize her.

What emotional torture she mustve been through and right there it seemed as if she's suddenly so many more years my senior. These experiences kinda brought her to another plane in life and what words can you offer to someone who's walked a path you've never set foot on?

As friends who's been hanging around different stages of our lives, I wanted to protect her and hope to take away some of the hurt she's made to go through.

There are words that came out from her which I'll never forget. She speaks of the intense 3 hour talk she had with her mom...well, it's just her doing the talking while her mom drifts in and out of drugged consciousness. She tells her mom how much she loves her and to forgive her for all the hurtful things she'd said and thanking her for being her mom. These 3 hours were simply saying goodbye to her mom. This would be closure for them. Her mom did not open her eyes but trace knew she heard cos tears rolled down her mom's cheeks.

Finally its this sms I received from her saying how she couldnt stop crying and everything reminded her of mom. She cant believe mom's not coming back and she really misses her..

Have you ever missed someone so much, you dont wish to recover from it cos you fear it will make you forget them? Though it hurts viciously, you hang on not wishing to let it go and you rather go on hurting and hurting and hurting..

Oct 22nd 2006 Sunday 9:40am
Trxcx: Just to let you know..my mum is dying at d hospital now..dun ve 2 come 2 visit..really..I'll let u know when she pass away.

I woke up to that msg and could nv get back to sleep again. I asked when she thinks it will be...no reply

Oct 23rd 2006 Monday 10:30am
Trxcx: We're also not sure and donno whats next..will update u there re new devmts.

Oct 23rd 2006 Monday 7:55pm
Trxcx: My mum has passed away. am fine..she went peacefully while i was lying on her..

Trxcx was among the clique of friends I've know since sec 3. One year ago we went to her house for Chinese New Year. Six months ago we watched Dim Sum Dollies with her mom. I remember her mom's face and am glad memory of her stays that way.

If I can have things my way, I too would rather the chance to spend the last few minutes with my loved ones and watch them slip away. This then being called up and rushing down to find them already departed. It's like I missed some window of transistion from living to non.
Quirky, but I would like a final goodbye, a 'this is it' moment where I, with all knowledge of how absolutely no control I have of things to say: I am letting you go

Do we need a wake-up call every now and then to remind ourselves to speak more with our parents. Be kinder to them. Have ong chai soup vegetable for the past 3 meals consecutively and feel lucky there's even a meal on the table. It's a roll-coaster ride of emotions. We go all bad, feel guilty and it's hey mom/dad I love you again. Quite pathetic if you ask me, but it will always happen and that is a fact.

I stopped hugging my parents since....I cant remember when. However I do know it's only during Uni days whenever I depart from Singapore for Perth warrants me the chance to hug them goodbye. These hugs are warranted and now that I'm back for good. I no longer have any 'reasons' to hug them. Why does it take someone to leave before we feel 'safe' enough to extend those arms? And why did I just use the word 'safe'?

These days look at what sorry display I leave myself with: when my mom retires for the night, I would go to her room and chat with her till she drifts off to sleep. I would then back up against her back and feel her rythmic breathes and it will make me feel everything is all right again.

????

One of my favourite season: when the moon ripens in all fullness and some lady meets her beu on the moon. Chinese folklore amidst Mid-Autmn. Yummy mooncakes aside (as many yolks as possible!!) it's that season where I get to light things up and watch them burn. Literally

We were mad. PSI was at 150, still we soldiered on to Bishan Park and proceeded with lanterns, display of candles and added to the haze with the sparklers. Im not surprised if it peaked 300 at Bishan Park that night. Vain attempts to get into the mood, we brought out mooncakes and chinese tea, sipped at it while trying to make out where the darn moon was.

Checkout this burning heart some couples left behind. I pity the cleaner that comes in the morning, awful load of wax to clear off the ground. If you asked me, it would be easier if cleaner lights it on fire again.

Hungry, we headed off to MacDonalds somewhere in Ang Mo Kio. Thinking it was wee hours of a Sunday morning, parking coupon would not be needed. Halfway into our meal, some parking warden walked in and sat at the table beside ours. They looked absorbed, sorting out the day's records I suppose. I remember my friend was pointing them out to me, it's the parking warden. Looking at them, Im quite sure they bring waves of uneasiness wherever they go...

See this below? Never seen so many parking tickets put together like that. All four cars got it. Free parking on Sunday indeed. It only starts from 7am - 7pm! I wrote an appeal letter to HDB today, asking for leniency in the spirit of Mid-Autmn Festival! One wrote got Diahorrea, the other blamed it on the haze and the 4th simply paid up I think! My fingers are crossed but I'm quite interested to know which approach would appeal to them.

Are you still a 'grand..'?

Past saturday I was at church waiting for the service to start. I looked over the span of the hall and see groups of people having sabbath classes, there was my grandma sitting with her friend. Hers was the oldie group and I just stared at them. Old people coming to church faithfully every week. Most part of their lives have gone, having lived through all the experiences ,they still come without having seen the God they worship. Something must be working for them right?

I just sat there and looked at grandma, studying her, wondering how long more before I would not see her sitting there again. Then her friend must have spotted me, whispered to my grandma and both oldies looked back at me, I waved and they both waved back smiling. I felt warm all over and can never erase that sight.

Por por passed away and its been 5years? This is the only grandma I have left. After she's gone, Im no longer a grandchild or 'mei mei'. 3 weeks ago we celebrated her 84th at her brother's. This is the siblings. We sang her the birthday song and she wiped a tear away. It pains me cos I dont want to see grandma cry.

After por por's death, I feel vulnerable when Im with old people. When no one's looking, I find myself just staring at them, studying them...The lady above is my cousin's granny, not sure how old she is but old enough. This is her covering her mouth while she chews her food. So sweet right? So old already but still keeps her manners in check. I mean, I wont mind the slightest bit even if she's got food all over, it just amuses me. Sometimes I feel the older a person is...can I say the more discipline they have over themselves and their actions? I think they're beautiful.

My favourite pic of granny and grandpa and pic of por por with my brother.