im not ready

trace's mom is gone, both jen and esther's moms have lumps in their chest..im scared..
im not ready, really not ready... my careers not ready, my life is not ready.
jen would be getting married in may, we would be her 'sisters'
last night my cousin in china sent me pictures of his newborn baby girl, she's a december baby
one by one they die, they raise children, they get married...im not ready...
my parents are getting old, i look at them i get scared. their skin is wrinkled and blemishes appears on their faces.
last night my mom came to me and had me look at her hair. she asked if the whites are obvious enough to make her dye them. i uncover the top and tuffs of white greeted me underneath

today my boss informed me of upcoming restructuring within the teams. one of us would have to go over to another team. i was indifferent, a contact position into another contract position.

im so tired...