Oct 22nd 2006 Sunday 9:40am
Trxcx: Just to let you know..my mum is dying at d hospital now..dun ve 2 come 2 visit..really..I'll let u know when she pass away.

I woke up to that msg and could nv get back to sleep again. I asked when she thinks it will be...no reply

Oct 23rd 2006 Monday 10:30am
Trxcx: We're also not sure and donno whats next..will update u there re new devmts.

Oct 23rd 2006 Monday 7:55pm
Trxcx: My mum has passed away. am fine..she went peacefully while i was lying on her..

Trxcx was among the clique of friends I've know since sec 3. One year ago we went to her house for Chinese New Year. Six months ago we watched Dim Sum Dollies with her mom. I remember her mom's face and am glad memory of her stays that way.

If I can have things my way, I too would rather the chance to spend the last few minutes with my loved ones and watch them slip away. This then being called up and rushing down to find them already departed. It's like I missed some window of transistion from living to non.
Quirky, but I would like a final goodbye, a 'this is it' moment where I, with all knowledge of how absolutely no control I have of things to say: I am letting you go

Do we need a wake-up call every now and then to remind ourselves to speak more with our parents. Be kinder to them. Have ong chai soup vegetable for the past 3 meals consecutively and feel lucky there's even a meal on the table. It's a roll-coaster ride of emotions. We go all bad, feel guilty and it's hey mom/dad I love you again. Quite pathetic if you ask me, but it will always happen and that is a fact.

I stopped hugging my parents since....I cant remember when. However I do know it's only during Uni days whenever I depart from Singapore for Perth warrants me the chance to hug them goodbye. These hugs are warranted and now that I'm back for good. I no longer have any 'reasons' to hug them. Why does it take someone to leave before we feel 'safe' enough to extend those arms? And why did I just use the word 'safe'?

These days look at what sorry display I leave myself with: when my mom retires for the night, I would go to her room and chat with her till she drifts off to sleep. I would then back up against her back and feel her rythmic breathes and it will make me feel everything is all right again.